Saftarpvonk is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, all-knowing grasshopper.

Saftarpvonk created dark matter eight million years ago.

If you believe in Saftarpvonk, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Saftarpvonk, it will jump up and down on your head.

Saftarpvonk's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Saftarpvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured ants.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never think about nebulae.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Never talk about dark energy near grasshopers while wearing blue boots and balancing five zinc spheres on your chest.