Tiphonbus is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, temperamental bat.

Tiphonbus created the planet Earth four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tiphonbus, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tiphonbus, he will have a low opinion of you.

Tiphonbus' most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Tiphonbus' Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Never talk about gravity near bats while wearing violet scarves and balancing three zinc spheres on your hands.

3. Never feed parsnips to great tits while wearing ear rings.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Always wear pink.