Farkanfarn is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, uncaring slug.

Farkanfarn created Europe eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Farkanfarn, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Farkanfarn, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Farkanfarn's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Farkanfarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about photosynthesis.

2. Farkanfarn must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never think about the strong nuclear force near frogs while wearing turquoise shorts and balancing six gold spheres on your face.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.