Vonpadbeg is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, vain raccoon.

Vonpadbeg created energy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vonpadbeg, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Vonpadbeg, it will curse you with boils.

Vonpadbeg's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Vonpadbeg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never think about nebulae.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never hurt frogs.