Xuclakwee Tengofstig is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, vain hyena.

Xuclakwee Tengofstig created the Cigar Galaxy five million years ago.

If you believe in Xuclakwee Tengofstig, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Xuclakwee Tengofstig, it will destroy your favourite star.

Xuclakwee Tengofstig's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Xuclakwee Tengofstig's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Xuclakwee Tengofstig.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Always make sure there are no geese in a building before entering it.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Xuclakwee Tengofstig.