Joncutdum is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, unsympathetic wolf.

Joncutdum created a bottom quark three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Joncutdum, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Joncutdum, it will send you a sign.

Joncutdum's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Joncutdum's Holy Commandments

1. Joncutdum must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Dolphins are not to be trusted.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.