Spagquagdiss Bapwiping is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, caring bat.

Spagquagdiss Bapwiping created life six billion years ago.

If you believe in Spagquagdiss Bapwiping, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Spagquagdiss Bapwiping, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Spagquagdiss Bapwiping's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Spagquagdiss Bapwiping's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no monkeys in a room before entering it.

2. Never write about stars.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Draw representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.