Gemstaf is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, all-knowing troll.

Gemstaf created dark energy twelve years ago.

If you believe in Gemstaf, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Gemstaf, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Gemstaf's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Gemstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dolphins.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Gemstaf on top of all buildings.

4. Hide if eight ants approach from the east.

5. Never talk about chromosomes.