Tarlankik is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, passionate jaguar.

Tarlankik created viruses five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarlankik, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Tarlankik, it will turn you into a dog.

Tarlankik's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Tarlankik's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Do not hurt doves.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Do not skip in public.