Bemwodhiv is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, awesome gnu.

Bemwodhiv created a strange quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bemwodhiv, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Bemwodhiv, she will turn you into a goat.

Bemwodhiv's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Bemwodhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed bananas to ducks while wearing rings.

2. Do not eat turnips.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never talk about dwarf planets.

5. Never talk about quantum mechanics near seals while wearing pink dresses and balancing nine silver spheres on your hands.