Stafvencuss is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, moody hamster.

Stafvencuss created the planet Saturn nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Stafvencuss, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Stafvencuss, he will remove you from existence.

Stafvencuss' most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Stafvencuss' Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Always make sure there are no great tits in a room before entering it.

3. Feed all hungry tortoises.

4. Never feed turnips to frogs while wearing coats.

5. Respect your elders.