Staftimkamjamjamstigtagpak is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, self-confident snail.

Staftimkamjamjamstigtagpak created Asia nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Staftimkamjamjamstigtagpak, it will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Staftimkamjamjamstigtagpak, it will turn you into a slug.

Staftimkamjamjamstigtagpak's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Staftimkamjamjamstigtagpak's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Staftimkamjamjamstigtagpak on top of all buildings.

5. Hide from green doves for they are unholy.