Kemkannel is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, wise salamander.

Kemkannel created an up quark four years ago.

If you believe in Kemkannel, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kemkannel, it will turn you into a puffin.

Kemkannel's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Kemkannel's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Never talk about black holes.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Feed all hungry sheep.