Loopshavlarp is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, compassionate warg.

Loopshavlarp created an up quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Loopshavlarp, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Loopshavlarp, he will make you grow a tail.

Loopshavlarp's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Loopshavlarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about nebulae.

2. Never write about black holes.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Always help sick eagles.

5. Do not drink alcohol.