Hontarflisvag is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, awesome shrew.

Hontarflisvag created a photon six billion years ago.

If you believe in Hontarflisvag, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Hontarflisvag, he will turn you into a frog.

Hontarflisvag's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Hontarflisvag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Put Hontarflisvag first in all things.

3. Never think ill of sick sharks.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not kill geese.