Gudcitflis Matzanfet is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, awe-inspiring gorilla.

Gudcitflis Matzanfet created the solar system six million years ago.

If you believe in Gudcitflis Matzanfet, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Gudcitflis Matzanfet, he will refuse to believe in you.

Gudcitflis Matzanfet's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Gudcitflis Matzanfet's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of figs to frogs while wearing black tights.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Erect eight lead sculptures of Gudcitflis Matzanfet on top of important buildings.

5. Always take life seriously.