Gemwapfoss is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, egotistical lion.

Gemwapfoss created the Small Magellanic Cloud seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gemwapfoss, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Gemwapfoss, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Gemwapfoss' most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Gemwapfoss' Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. You must never eat bread.