Talbastnil Febfligfadflab is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, smart elephant.

Talbastnil Febfligfadflab created the Whirlpool Galaxy nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Talbastnil Febfligfadflab, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Talbastnil Febfligfadflab, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Talbastnil Febfligfadflab's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Talbastnil Febfligfadflab's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.