Metlarpcib is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, boastful wasp.

Metlarpcib created the planet Earth nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Metlarpcib, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Metlarpcib, she will curse you with boils.

Metlarpcib's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Metlarpcib's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt birds.

2. Worship no other gods but Metlarpcib.

3. Never go into fawn rooms.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Never eat tomatoes.