Volvaglin is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, overgenerous monkey.

Volvaglin created tapeworms six million years ago.

If you believe in Volvaglin, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Volvaglin, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Volvaglin's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Volvaglin's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. You must love Volvaglin.

4. Never skip in the presence of geese.

5. Do not make images of living things.