Kanmaphiv is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, merciless jaguar.

Kanmaphiv created a charm quark twelve years ago.

If you believe in Kanmaphiv, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Kanmaphiv, he will remove you from existence.

Kanmaphiv's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Kanmaphiv's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of figs to hamsters while wearing black shoes.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Erect three copper sculptures of Kanmaphiv on top of important buildings.

4. Kanmaphiv loves doves, so they must be honoured.

5. Always pray immersed in water.