Pangquartvog is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, kind owl.

Pangquartvog created the Large Magellanic Cloud three million years ago.

If you believe in Pangquartvog, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Pangquartvog, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Pangquartvog's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Pangquartvog's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Put Pangquartvog first in all things.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.