Kabkimhan Artstikyimwigyattwanzimmap is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, egotistical jaguar.

Kabkimhan Artstikyimwigyattwanzimmap created the universe three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kabkimhan Artstikyimwigyattwanzimmap, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Kabkimhan Artstikyimwigyattwanzimmap, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Kabkimhan Artstikyimwigyattwanzimmap's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Kabkimhan Artstikyimwigyattwanzimmap's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Never mention gulls.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not trade with those who eat melons.