Japbossdab is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, selfish mink.

Japbossdab created the planet Earth nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Japbossdab, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Japbossdab, he will have a very low opinion of you.

Japbossdab's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Japbossdab's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if nine tortoises approach from the east.

2. Hide from indigo dolphins for they are unholy.

3. Put Japbossdab first in all things.

4. Never think about special relativity.

5. Do not keep eight rats in a large pit.