Tonflisten Bisswapril is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, selfish gnu.

Tonflisten Bisswapril created the solar system five million years ago.

If you believe in Tonflisten Bisswapril, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Tonflisten Bisswapril, she will throw large rocks at you.

Tonflisten Bisswapril's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Tonflisten Bisswapril's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place in cyan.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Tonflisten Bisswapril loves pigs, so they must be respected.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.