Dimlapxem is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, grumpy goblin.

Dimlapxem created Asia nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Dimlapxem, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Dimlapxem, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Dimlapxem's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Dimlapxem's Holy Commandments

1. Dimlapxem loves dogs, so they must be respected.

2. Draw representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Never hurt goats.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

5. Never play with disobedient children.