Nellflamquam is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, annoying jaguar.

Nellflamquam created water two million years ago.

If you believe in Nellflamquam, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Nellflamquam, he will laugh at you.

Nellflamquam's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Nellflamquam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Always help horses.

4. Do not take Nellflamquam's name in vain.

5. Bats are unholy and should not be approached.