Afmittim is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, merciless cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Afmittim created carbon five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Afmittim, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Afmittim, it will refuse to believe in you.

Afmittim's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Afmittim's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry birds.

2. Nematodes are not to be trusted.

3. Great tits are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Do not drink water in fawn rooms.

5. Run away if nine hamsters approach from the west.