Bemxucklag is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, self-assured alligator.

Bemxucklag created the solar system nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Bemxucklag, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Bemxucklag, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Bemxucklag's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Bemxucklag's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear gray.

2. Never think about quantum field theory.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Bemxucklag loves horses, so they must be respected.

5. Do not kill rats.