Hakvegvonkfodbum is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, all-knowing finch.

Hakvegvonkfodbum created Africa four billion years ago.

If you believe in Hakvegvonkfodbum, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Hakvegvonkfodbum, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Hakvegvonkfodbum's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Hakvegvonkfodbum's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear brown tights.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never laugh in the presence of snakes.

4. Never feed limes to horses while wearing pink skirts.

5. Erect three tin sculptures of Hakvegvonkfodbum on top of important buildings.