Bapgargeb Mobcimmum is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, weak rhinoceros.

Bapgargeb Mobcimmum created the Cigar Galaxy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Bapgargeb Mobcimmum, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Bapgargeb Mobcimmum, he will torture you forever.

Bapgargeb Mobcimmum's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Bapgargeb Mobcimmum's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Bapgargeb Mobcimmum.

3. You must never eat wheat.

4. Run away if five capybaras approach from the south.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.