Lagfossten is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, omniscient scorpion.

Lagfossten created the Sol system six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lagfossten, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Lagfossten, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Lagfossten's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Lagfossten's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Lagfossten.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Turtles are not to be trusted.

4. Do not drink water in pink rooms.

5. Do not speak about peas.