Funkanjam is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, contented lizard.

Funkanjam created Mount Everest three billion years ago.

If you believe in Funkanjam, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Funkanjam, it will turn you into a worm.

Funkanjam's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Funkanjam's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Funkanjam on top of all buildings.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Funkanjam.

3. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Funkanjam.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.