Quartmiptal is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, grumpy turtle.

Quartmiptal created parasitic wasps two billion years ago.

If you believe in Quartmiptal, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Quartmiptal, she will turn you into a mouse.

Quartmiptal's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Quartmiptal's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Otters are not to be trusted.

3. Do not keep four ants in a large pit.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Quartmiptal.

5. Do not kill porpoises.