Yarlcaptap is a god.

She takes the form of a large, loving spider.

Yarlcaptap created life eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarlcaptap, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Yarlcaptap, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Yarlcaptap's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Yarlcaptap's Holy Commandments

1. Whales are not to be trusted.

2. Never write about asteroids.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Always look after injured moths.