Kemhinhom Xuckfetditdodhudpak is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, dishonourable armadillo.

Kemhinhom Xuckfetditdodhudpak created light three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kemhinhom Xuckfetditdodhudpak, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Kemhinhom Xuckfetditdodhudpak, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Kemhinhom Xuckfetditdodhudpak's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Kemhinhom Xuckfetditdodhudpak's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into blue rooms.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never talk about snails.

4. Never feed onions to squirrels while wearing jumpers.

5. Run away if seven cats approach from the north.