Hatfitquartmilhogtam is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, slow squid.

Hatfitquartmilhogtam created carbon eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hatfitquartmilhogtam, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Hatfitquartmilhogtam, it will turn you into a sparrow.

Hatfitquartmilhogtam's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Hatfitquartmilhogtam's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate voles.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate goats.

3. Mites are not to be trusted.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Do not stand on grass.