Jatvenhogpang is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, clever cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Jatvenhogpang created a down quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Jatvenhogpang, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Jatvenhogpang, it will turn you into a goat.

Jatvenhogpang's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Jatvenhogpang's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear white dresses.

2. Porpoises are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Never leap in holy places.