Futhantif is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, awesome pigeon.

Futhantif created a Higgs boson seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Futhantif, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Futhantif, she will turn you into a tree.

Futhantif's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Futhantif's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Never paint your head white.

3. Never run near monkeys.

4. Erect six tin sculptures of Futhantif on top of important buildings.

5. Do not make images of living things.