Fityarlpongem is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, merciful frog.

Fityarlpongem created parasitic wasps eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fityarlpongem, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Fityarlpongem, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Fityarlpongem's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Fityarlpongem's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never wear shorts.

3. Put Fityarlpongem first in all things.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Do not stand on grass.