Fonwapkip is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, narcissistic dugong.

Fonwapkip created a quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Fonwapkip, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Fonwapkip, it will turn you into a snail.

Fonwapkip's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Fonwapkip's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the strong nuclear force near rats while wearing white boots and balancing four gold spheres on your chest.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate nematodes.

3. Worship no other gods but Fonwapkip.

4. Never think ill of sick ants.

5. Do not dye your hair magenta.