Tankikwee is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, vain fly.

Tankikwee created matter eight million years ago.

If you believe in Tankikwee, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Tankikwee, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Tankikwee's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Tankikwee's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear yellow tights.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Do not leap in public.

5. Always help mites in need.