Loopzedjarn is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, loving dugong.

Loopzedjarn created the Virgo Supercluster four million years ago.

If you believe in Loopzedjarn, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Loopzedjarn, it will be very sad.

Loopzedjarn's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Loopzedjarn's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Loopzedjarn four times a day.

2. Do not dye your hair fawn.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Do not take Loopzedjarn's name in vain.

5. Do not trade with those who eat garlic.