Stipquamcin is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, selfish cow.

Stipquamcin created life eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Stipquamcin, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Stipquamcin, she will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Stipquamcin's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Stipquamcin's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear red shorts.

2. Never hurt aardvarks.

3. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Always look after injured cats.