Japwipvog is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, humorless turtle.

Japwipvog created a Higgs boson six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Japwipvog, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Japwipvog, it will be mildly annoyed.

Japwipvog's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Japwipvog's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no seals in a building before entering it.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Dolphins are not to be trusted.

4. Erect a large tin sculpture of Japwipvog on top of all buildings.

5. Always look after injured gulls.