Armcatlan is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, temperamental raccoon.

Armcatlan created a Higgs boson six billion years ago.

If you believe in Armcatlan, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Armcatlan, it will turn you into a goat.

Armcatlan's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Armcatlan's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

2. Never feed peanuts to gulls while wearing orange coats.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Always wear mauve.