Tifzedhabmit is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, competent aardvark.

Tifzedhabmit created an up quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tifzedhabmit, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Tifzedhabmit, she will turn you into a hamster.

Tifzedhabmit's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Tifzedhabmit's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear fawn shoes.

2. Put Tifzedhabmit first in all things.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never think about electromagnetism near birds while wearing green tights and balancing six silicon spheres on your neck.

5. Always treat swans with great respect.