Pagbassarp is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, temperamental spider.

Pagbassarp created the cosmos four years ago.

If you believe in Pagbassarp, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Pagbassarp, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Pagbassarp's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Pagbassarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about dwarf planets.

2. Never talk about quantum gravity.

3. Never think about gravity near manatees while wearing blue hats and balancing six nickel spheres on your hands.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.