Fobarnjarn is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, awesome shrew.

Fobarnjarn created a Higgs boson three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fobarnjarn, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Fobarnjarn, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Fobarnjarn's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Fobarnjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured capybaras.

2. Never talk about thermodynamics near porpoises while wearing gray boots.

3. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near snakes while wearing fawn trousers and balancing five silicon spheres on your head.

4. Never sing in the presence of seals.

5. You must never eat aubergines.