Nartwandag is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, annoying hummingbird.

Nartwandag created Asia seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nartwandag, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Nartwandag, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Nartwandag's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Nartwandag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat oranges.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Never think about galaxies.

5. Do not laugh in public.